From the outset of this post, I'll be straight-up honest with you. This is going to be a difficult post for me (note: I've been tinkering around with this particular post for months; that's how difficult this has been to write!). I'm a perfectionist by nature, and I don't like to fail. Plus the fact that what I thought was not in the realm of possibility, suddenly became my new reality. Also, I'm an ordained pastor and write regularly on living the rich Christian life and the importance of relationships in living out that life.
If you have been a regular follower of this blog, you have probably noticed that I have eluded to a time of great difficulty that I have been experiencing. For almost two years, I have struggled through one of the most painful periods in my life. I have experienced the grief process in a major way as I have cycled through numerous times the five stages of the grief cycle: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
My Dirty Little Secret
OK, so here's the dirt. Beginning in April of 2009, I discovered that my wife was done with married life and wanted her freedom. I won't go into the specific details of why, but all I will say is that I was committed to a lifetime of marriage. I had no desire for a separation or divorce. When I took my marriage vows in January of 1999, I meant every word: "For better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health. And forsaking all others, be faithful only to her/him so long as you both shall live?" Apparently, my ex-wife only believed those words until they no longer suited her purposes, but I can't get inside her head and speak for her. I can only tell you my story from my own perspective.
Although I recognize that I played a role in my marriage problems and for that I will always have specific regrets, I can also celebrate the fact that when I finally did realize that there were major problems, I did everything possible to save a doomed marriage. I know for absolute certainty that many men who would find themselves in my exact same situation would immediately throw in the towel and move on, but I attempted to save my marriage because according to His Word, God hates divorce. In Malachi 2:15-16 we read,
God made husbands and wives to become one body and one spirit for his purpose—so they would have children who are true to God. So be careful, and do not break your promise to the wife you married when you were young. The Lord God of Israel says, "I hate divorce. And I hate people who do cruel things as easily as they put on clothes," says the Lord All-Powerful. So be careful. And do not break your trust (New Century Version).
The challenge for every marriage is that it takes two committed, unselfish, loving people to make the relationship work. It only takes one person in the relationship to throw in the towel and give up. Each and every one of us has a free will. We can choose to take the right path for our lives, or we can choose to live in the flesh.
God's faithfulness through the difficulty
As I have traveled on this journey, I have been reminded of God's faithfulness to His children. He has never promised us that our lives would be problem free once we have been adopted into His family. He never promised that we would always be living out our Best Life Now
In Lamentations 3, the prophet Jeremiah cries out in a poetic lament of hurt and pain for all the garbage he has had to endure as God's prophet to the stubborn, disobedient nation of Judah. As Jeremiah goes through his litany of problems and complaints, he is suddenly reminded of the hope that he has in the Lord:
I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope:
Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.”
The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD (Lamentations 3:19-26).
In my next post later this week, I will go into greater detail on the lessons I have learned on my journey. Stay tuned.
Also check out these related posts:
- Divine Appointments
- What does God Word say about relationships?
- Books and people
- Parents from the Bible who screwed up
- Who's your "Jonathan?" | One key friendship
Larry, Thanks for your openness and honesty in a very tough, personal situation. I am so sorry for your pain!! I also praise the Lord that you have hung in there with the Lord and have stayed true to Him and have let Him help you through this. I am praying for you. Paul VM
ReplyDeleteLarry, I went through a very similiar situation about 17 years ago. I felt like I had been kicked aside like a piece of trash. It does make you a different person. I cant' wait to see Part 2 to see what you learned through YOUR journey!
ReplyDeleteTerryb
I'm sorry. I pray that God will continue to bless you as you look toward Him.
ReplyDeletePaul, thanks for your prayers and encouragement!
ReplyDeleteTerry, I agree with your assessment of your own situation. It is definitely life changing!
Sheila, thanks for your prayers.